Fill The Feed But Don’t Fall In The Feed
Excessive use of social media has become such an integral part of our everyday lives that we do not even know what excessive means anymore. A study at University of Pennsylvania found that high use of these platforms increases rather then decreases feelings of loneliness and that reducing social media use to 30 minutes a day resulted in a significant reduction in levels of anxiety, depression, loneliness, sleep problems and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
No need to panic though! You don't have to make a drastic cut in social media usage to see the positive effects. Social media can have positive impacts on your life as well like raising awareness on important issues, or staying in touch with far away friends and family, and connection if you have limited independence, etc.
However, the tricky part is to decipher when it is beneficial to you and when you are a puppet being sucked in by models that can predict your actions for monetary benefit. Your mental health and how you might deal with everyday challenges are affected. The addicted brain on social media can be difficult to disconnect because the cycle of motivation, reward, and reinforcement is a “dopamine loop” that gets users seeking rewards and more of them. Social media then becomes a drug.
Below are some key themes, stories or narratives that you might be telling yourself before you pick up your phone or after going on your phone that affects your mental health and quality of life.
When we get hooked by these themes, they often pull us into self-defeating patterns and thus anxiety and depression. When we notice and name a theme (‘Here’s the “Not Good Enough” theme,’ or ‘Aha! The “Life Sucks” theme!” ) this helps us unhook from the thoughts, feelings, and urges related to picking up or the after affects of using our phone.
Not Good Enough
Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you are defective, damaged, unworthy, etc., especially when you compare yourself to others on social media.
No One Cares
Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that others are uncaring, and won’t understand or care for you. So you might go on your phone to avoid your partner or friend instead of trying to make a connection.
Perfectionism
Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you must always do things perfectly or to an extremely high standard — and if you don’t, you’re unworthy — for example you go over posts or pictures repeatedly and make sure they are perfect before posting.
People Pleasing/Need Approval
Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you must have approval, positive feedback, etc. Perhaps you are posting material or pictures that you think others will like not necessarily reflect who you are. When we live only by rewards then we might not really know what truly matters to us and only do and live by acts that we think will bring us more approval. Thus we get addicted to social media, praise, or others validation of us instead of our own internal compass.
Life Sucks
Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that life is basically bad and there is little to be positive about. You might notice you go on your phone more to find evidence for this thought instead of going out and actually finding joy.
Don’t Trust!
Thoughts & feelings linked to the idea/belief that others are basically untrustworthy. So you might go on your phone to constantly check where a friend is or verify what they told you. Or perhaps you gravitate towards news that justifies this perception.
The above themes move you away from the life that you want to lead with your own guiding principles and values. So another good question to ask is what I am about to post or look up is helping me move towards my principles or away from it?
If it's moving you away then you know that your time might be better spent. For example if you are trying to live by the value of more self compassion then the perfectionism theme is moving you away from this value.
It might be literally helpful to imagine a blank social media feed for yourself and reflect on what principals are important to you and how would you personally fill the feed based on your own principals. For example, if one of your principles is having a life filled with novelty and change or having relationships involving love and connection then what can you actually do during the day to “fill this feed”? And I don't mean that you will actually be posting on Instagram what you're doing but rather it is the spirit of doing things for yourself even if no one sees it or “likes it”.
Of course other ways of detaching from social media include reducing your time online by using apps that limit your time, removing social media apps one at a time to see how much you really miss it, turn off your phone and disable social media notifications.
You have a choice and are in control every time you pick up the phone and reflect on “Will I fill the feed of my life or will I “fall in the feed?”
